shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
