i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
