The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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