Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
