I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
