Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
