Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
