Screwed.edu
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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