That's when you crack a 10am beer
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
