everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
