Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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