I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Welp...herpes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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