My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
