I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
