You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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