also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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