thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
