Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
