VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A+ Viking dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
