She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
