They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
