I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
