i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
