thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
