Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
