ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
