It's Friday. Sex?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
