the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
