I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
whose parrot is this?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
