Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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