It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
