She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
