i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
