Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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