She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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