Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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