you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
