trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
