did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
