I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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