Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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