What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
