Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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