And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
