I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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