I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
