lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
