Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
