'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
