My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
