bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
